Disappointment

Don't you hate it when you work your absolute hardest on something, give it 100% and it's all for nothing? Just a big load of wasted effort. That's kind of how I feel right now. I practice singing all the time. I'm in Rhapsody. I take singing lessons. I work on it all the time to get better. So when it came to musical tryouts I spent hours practicing the song I was singing for my audition. I came out thinking I did pretty good. Then Friday I looked at the list and I wasn't on it. I read it about 5 times until it actually sank in that I didn't make it, and I was the one person from Rhapsody that tried out and didn't make it. Once that sank in, I couldn't control it. I just started crying. I tried hiding it and finally got myself to stop. But every time someone said something about it for the next like 30 minutes I lost control again. I just thought I had a pretty good chance of making it, and then I look through the list and realize that it's my last year of junior high and I can't be in it. Everything I did was for nothing. It's just really hard realizing that I'm not even good at what I always thought was one of my best things. My favorite thing to do, and I'm not even good at it. My best friends all made it, but I can't do it with them. I was trying to be really happy for them even though I felt terrible. I was trying not to ruin how excited any of them were, but it was really hard seeing all these people getting excited when I felt so bad. I just don't really know what to do now. My friends want me to do stage crew, but I kind of don't want to. It sounds dumb, but I don't want to be one of those people hanging around during practices who wasn't good enough to actually be in it. I did it last year, but that was okay because I didn't try out. I was in it because I just wanted to try stage crew and I was a little too busy to actually be in it. This year I made sure that I'd have time, but it was all for nothing. It doesn't matter anymore. Trying out for it seems kind of pointless. I know people would tell me that it was just a good experience, but I really can't see it that way at all right now. Hopefully I will eventually, but right now I'm just kind of mad at myself for getting myself all excited about something that I wasn't good enough for. I also kind of hope I'll forget it eventually, but right now it's kind of all I can think about. Is that kind of weird? It probably sounds a little stuck up, but I just thought maybe I had a better chance because I made it for Rhapsody and that was really hard to get in to. Now it's just pretty disappointing realizing I'm not really as good as I thought it was. Anyways, now that I've ranted about it, I'm going to go try to get over it more.